Reflections...

 Mourning
 (c) 1979

In the morning of my life

I thought I had touched you

                                       Your tender caresses

                                       Whispered words

                                       And sweet brilliant promises

Made me think

That I had reached you.

Never having been loved by any other

I did not know that you were not giving

In your mind that would mean not living

The wealth of your material generosity\

Awakened me to the noon of my days

And I knew that something was missing

It was too late for me to un-commit

Myself from you

I could not take back the love that I had given

So I persisted in the impossible wishing

That somehow

I would be able to pierce the abyss, the bullshit

The promises and touch the real you

Your money could not purchase the fear in my heart

That you were not here to stay

And that any day you would fade away

As your heart had done so many years before

Neither could it buy you—yourself anything real

So that you could see me as not just another

Arrogant woman

Material things could not erase the reality from my mind

Or yours

That I was only a stopover

That would disappear in the evening of my years

With the ripening of my love

With the false hope instilled

In a heart that did not ask for fantasies

Only that you be real

My time with you now being up and gone forever

Through no fault of mine or yours

You embark on a new illusion

Leaving me behind as you reach for the unreachable

At the dawning of my new beginning

I feel strangely free without you

As the sun shines brilliantly on my new day

I realize what a fool I was

To mistake weakness for love

LDW